Schlepping Forwards to Victory!

I leap out of bed ready to kill it!

But first I have to take my pills: the one for diarrhea, the one for constipation, the one to lessen the amount of snot, the one to keep snot freely flowing, the blood thinner, the hair thickener, the light green one (I forgot what this one does), ginkgo to improve memory, an adult gummy, probiotics, turmeric supplement, fish oil, lavender chew-able, that other one that I always drop…

Done! Ready to go!

But first I have to run in place 10 minutes. 2 minutes. And then do a dozen full burpees. 2. 2 is a lot. And I’ll use the stationary bike… tomorrow.

Energized! Set! Ready to go! Ready to kill it!

After my shower. Jeez, look at all these skin tags. And the love handles. An entire fire department could grab hold and there would still be room for the Knights of Columbus. What asshole came up with the phrase “Man Boobs?”

Done! Pants…?… Pants! Phew! Wouldn’t want to repeat THAT mistake! Lol!

Onward! Kill it!

But first feed the cat. Open the blinds. This one is lopsided. Broken. Jeez. From outside it looks like my house has had a stroke. Set the heat to 60 because LIPA. Shoes… oh god, who put my feet down there?? Grrrrrrrrhhhh… hip replacement someday… what’s that doctor’s name? Schenectady? Topeka? His name’s the same as some shitty little city I used to drive through in college… Wilkes-Barre! The ginkgo worked! Where are my keys?

Ready to kill it! Yeah!

And bounding down the steps like a boulder of doom!

Garbage. Garbage day. Fuck. A raccoon got it in and there are coffee grinds and chicken bones all over the goddamn driveway fuck me. I’m gonna get rabies all over my hands where’s a bag? Pick this shit up…

Ok! Ready to kill it! In the car! Oil change overdue. But only by 3,000 miles so no biggie next week…

…look at that sky… …look at that… … …           ….

Uh, the time! Press start. Flip it to drive.

Ok! Ready! To! Kill!

But first coffee.

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